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Title: Why
Word Count/Length: 442
Warnings: Slightly dark, deals with the loss of a child
Spoilers: none
Character: Nathan Ford
Disclaimer: None of the here mentioned people or places belong to me.
(Dec, 2006)
Sometimes the world just stops for a second. I’ll see something or hear something that reminds me of him and everything just stops. Suddenly it hurts to breathe. Everything closes in around me and there’s no escape, no great plans anymore, just pain. Everything comes crushing down and for a few long seconds I feel like this will never stop, that there will be no better times, that there will be no happy-end. Life is no fairytale. Sometimes you end up on the losing side and there seems to be no way out. And every time I wonder why... Why me, why us, why him?
Writing my feelings down is supposed to help with the pain. To get it all out in the open, that’s what will make this better. What a joke. Alcohol helped with the pain. That made everything better. But apparently forgetting isn’t healing.
I just wish it would stop hurting so much. I just wish there would be a point in the future where I could see his face in front of me without starting to cry. I wish there would come the point where I could remember him and see him smiling and laughing at me, instead of laying there, dead to the world, dead to me. Some days it just seems to suffocate me and I can’t get enough air. It feels as if there’s an invisible hand wrapped around me, trying to crush me.
Everyone keeps telling me that things will get better and I reached the point where I would happily bash their faces in, if I could. What do they know about losing a child? What do they know about having a glimmer of hope only to have it violently yanked away from them? So yeah, I think I’ll stick to the only help I get at that point. And if I drown myself in alcohol in the process of keeping on living, maybe he’ll be there on the other side, waiting for me with that smile on his face.
Word Count/Length: 442
Warnings: Slightly dark, deals with the loss of a child
Spoilers: none
Character: Nathan Ford
Disclaimer: None of the here mentioned people or places belong to me.
(Dec, 2006)
Sometimes the world just stops for a second. I’ll see something or hear something that reminds me of him and everything just stops. Suddenly it hurts to breathe. Everything closes in around me and there’s no escape, no great plans anymore, just pain. Everything comes crushing down and for a few long seconds I feel like this will never stop, that there will be no better times, that there will be no happy-end. Life is no fairytale. Sometimes you end up on the losing side and there seems to be no way out. And every time I wonder why... Why me, why us, why him?
Writing my feelings down is supposed to help with the pain. To get it all out in the open, that’s what will make this better. What a joke. Alcohol helped with the pain. That made everything better. But apparently forgetting isn’t healing.
I just wish it would stop hurting so much. I just wish there would be a point in the future where I could see his face in front of me without starting to cry. I wish there would come the point where I could remember him and see him smiling and laughing at me, instead of laying there, dead to the world, dead to me. Some days it just seems to suffocate me and I can’t get enough air. It feels as if there’s an invisible hand wrapped around me, trying to crush me.
Everyone keeps telling me that things will get better and I reached the point where I would happily bash their faces in, if I could. What do they know about losing a child? What do they know about having a glimmer of hope only to have it violently yanked away from them? So yeah, I think I’ll stick to the only help I get at that point. And if I drown myself in alcohol in the process of keeping on living, maybe he’ll be there on the other side, waiting for me with that smile on his face.
